I was going to title this post: “Nude posing in the age of innocence”, quite more elegant, but it would not be strictly true according to the text that justifies it, as well as the artwork attached.
Neither the writing nor the photographs are mine in origin, this time, but I have contributed to both things with some significative edition: translating the old manuscrite text by my sister from Catalan to English and composing a coloured mosaic with modified versions of an even older picture in black and white.
All of it goes about nakedness, innocent or saucy, and the shift between the two ways according to one’s needs and the pressure of life.
I will show first my mosaic, figuring an X (which may mean anything you want; but to me means a crossroads in life: the point in the way when innocence still shimmers briefly before changing to different possible attitudes –or to all of them, in different moments–, which I have represented with bright magenta, pale orange, royal blue and bloody red).
[You won’t see the pics assembled as I have done if you watch this post with the WP reader, so, if you are there, I beg you to visit the blog.]
Ari, my sister, wrote in a notebook, in May 1994, about her own big shift in life and the puzzling crossroads she had to face (mainly referring to the moment, more than a year before, when she left home) :
As a young teen (15 years and some months) one ought to be in school. If you are not because you have been fired or you have quitted it, and you are transgender and your family is mostly absent, broken or dysfunctional, and you need a job to make a living by your own means, you may find many, very promptly. No kidding at all.
The only requirements are two: 1/ Are you reasonably pretty and hot (or liable to be hot with some help and pushing) ? — 2/ Are you available for being banged soon –if not at once–, and many times in the foreseeable future ?
The first thing will be at sight to your employers (and clients, being crudely frank), but you will need to show the details, be it directly, stripping off in the place, or in some indirect way, presenting a set of pictures. The first and main point uses to be: “Let’s see your bum and bits”.
The second question –about been available–, if answered more or less affirmatively will need a factual confirmation promptly. No need to be an expert slut at your age, nor even much acquainted with sexual play and mating if you demonstrate disposition and have “good will”.
It is also true that you may effectively by-pass the sexual labours if you are lucky enough to have some specific physical traits: a tall and slim body with long legs, and you are really good at dancing and acting. Then, you may work as a show-girl or photo model or porno-actress and have much more freedom when the time comes (it always comes !) to face the sexual propositions –oftentimes they are strong and firm demands… and, in any case, very tempting financially; or unavoidable in order to keep your job–.
Two years have passed since the first time I faced these situations out of need. Then, it was to avoid, or at least dodge, bulling at school, but I did not learnt much from them, except not looking scared, forgetting all shame, disgust and remorse and, most especially, not choking often. Anyway, those troubles happened much from time to time, once a month or less. I never thought I would have to base my life on that kind of practice and some worse ones that I deeply wished to reserve for my own intimacy and incipient love life.
[Ari Fontrodona, May 1994]
At that early age she had already posed nude or half nude several times at home, just playing, and quite innocently so. She also liked to go naked, or at least bottomless, in her room, and both our parents and I would see her that way without any special consideration (nudism was a common practice in our small family, especially in spring and summer –never in winter, since we had a weak heating at home–; we even went to nudist camps on holidays).
However, about to turn sixteen, her attitude changed much, and for worse, in her new life. Even at home she was more self-aware and deliberate when going naked or lightly clothed; outdoors, she showed off, she sought to appeal, to be watched and complimented, photographed… (clearly this tourned her on, and now I understand better to which point this fact was relevant for her work: she needed to seduce herself before being able to seduce others). She wore makeup most of the time, wore some necklace and several bracelets or anklets, was always hair-dressed, wore scarce and short clothes…, looked hot. Also when she was reading or drawing on her bed. What changed her was her job, which absolutely involved the fact of a nice personal appearance, and required her to be pretty and ready at any time… also when tired or, even, when sleeping. But, innocence and some subtle kind of beauty were gone; not completely, to be sincere, and not for ever, but for many years.
I have searched my photo archives and hers and have found several photographs from that epoch that would show more or less these points (mainly the onset of sauciness), but for one reason or another (low quality image, age still too short, other persons figuring at her side, etc.) I want to keep them private. However, Ari had saved several pictures by Polish-French photographer Jean-Loup Sieff, and this one, from 1976, featuring an unknown model to me, not only fitted my purpose, but the girl itself looked very much like Ari in her mid teens: hair, figure –those grasshopper legs, even if artificially elongated here by the artist’s wide-angle lens–, nonchalant attitude, scarce commitment and scarce wish to please or seduce. I have guessed that Ariel liked this picture, among other things, because she identified herself with it to a point; maybe much; maybe deeply.
So, that’s it: I have worked in the photo and, in the end, I have considered that these coloured, much edited editions show well what was lost in Ariel, and what was going to come to her and her innocence in a day.
(Let me now clarify one point about me: I still feel guilty for not having stopped my sister’s shift of ways and life-style. I was older enough to understand where she was steadily drifting to, and I let her do, or even, sometimes, I did not want to look and to know.
Now, many years after, despite my own strayed ways, I am still a Platonic eroticist at heart, a believer of ingenuity and seeker of innocence both within me and all around. It is not an easy quest… When I watch this photo and a few others like it (very few nowadays), I long and yearn for a return to some innocence about love and human beauty, and of course about sex.
Below you may see the original photograph by Jean-Loup Sieff. (I like it much, but I can’t help but feel he should have given more presence and proximity to the model, special as she is; you cannot confine those legs and bum in a mere quarter of the photo…)
10 thoughts on “Innocent nude posing – A page from an old diary and some related illustrations”
Reblogged this on Something Beyond and commented:
Again, this post belongs in this blog as well –more than elsewhere…
Love hat you did with the photo’s. I miss my innocence, these days it seems to pass much to quickly. Youngsters are inundated with things from such a young age. I tell my kids “stay innocent pony boy” enjoy being a kid as long as you can as it passes and when it does there is no going back.
Hope all is well with you, sending lots of hugs your way. 😘and a kiss of course.
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I’m glad you like these thoughts and task of homage to my poor sis. She was robbed of her innocence way too early, but I must say she was able to regain it later on –just too late
You do this right with your kids, and they are lucky to have stable, mature parents as you are.
As for me, I am not well, unfortunately, but let’s leave this for some personal communication some day.
All your hugs are taken and appreciated much. The kiss too, and it comes back to you right now. Not only one 🙂 ❤ ✨
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As always your hugs and kisses are welcome.
Feel free to reach out anytime to talk at anytime, my inbox is always open 😘💜
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This is a beautiful tribute to what sounds like a sad ending. I am sorry you suffer so. I imagine that your pendulum must swing both ways and I hope you can find equal bouts of ecstasy in your life. That is my wish for you.
I can’t wait to read more.
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Thank you so much again for your good wishes ❤ ✨ !!
I really miss my sis twenty seven months after her passing. I’m still alive despite being much weaker and less worthy than her… I do wish she was here instead of me, but Providence did not accept this deal I proposed with all my heart.
((Kiss and Hug back!))
That is a beautiful photo!
As a photographer I understand what he was doing. It is a tiger in the forest, not just a tiger. The environment tells us something of the person who dwells there.
Also by making the subject of desire smaller, one looks at it harder. A tightly cropped image allows us to be lazy. He wants us to look harder and still want more. Very successful.
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Thanks for your inspiring comment 🙂 ! It is very right. I cropped the picture and changed its colours out of a sudden memory of my sister, who looked surprisingly like the model here, and liked to go often bottomless while at home. But the original picture is much better, and quite so for the reasons you point out. Thanks again ✨