At the ending of Shakespeare’s “Hamlet”, just before drinking the poison, the prince speaks his last words and final plea to his friend:
(Hamlet to Horatio):
I am dead;
Thou livest; report me and my cause aright
To the unsatisfied.
If you didst ever hold me in thy heart,
Absent thee from felicity awhile,
And in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain,
To tell my story.
[…] – [Dies.
(then Horatio speaks his farewell):
Hor. Now cracks a noble heart. Good night, sweet prince;
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!
W. Skakespeare; Hamlet, Act V, Scene II
These words by Hamlet have lighted my path after Ariel’s passing –at least with respect to her and her memory–. She was a princess as well; I was her best friend most of her life, aside of being her older brother all of it… As she was poorly known in her essence, seldom accepted and very often misunderstood, I’ve drawn my breath in pain to tell portions of her story; of her reason and reasons for being so mindfuckingly lovely -or lovingly mindfucking- and unspeakably weird… as any princess has to be. – (I didn’t know the word “mindfucking“, but she was called so just a week before dying, and I will never forget it; neither the fact nor the word itself.)
Having lost her; being away from her; this labour of “recall, show and tell” still occupies my mind and my hours. And “the rest is silence” -as it was also famously written in the same scene of Hamlet’s death.
I wish to point out as well that, while Hamlet killed himself, my sister did not. But thought many times about doing it; one of them just a few days before her natural death. Of course, I can swear under torture that this aim of her was not a “colossal mindfuck”, as a very close friend non-famously (and perhaps, infamously) reproached her in her most need. Maybe it was a weakness of her to wish death, or maybe just lucidity and courage… Anyway, it was fair & free will, and everybody should have respected it to the last consequence.
She overcame quite well this reproach. Hence, I did too; wishfully thinking it was a product of anxiety and concern. But now I realize it could have been more deeply heartfelt, since he who scolded her has needed to move away and forget, to do not “absent from felicity”… (or loneliness, or whatever the feelings he needs to preserve.)
As things went, she faced her end courageously, entered quietly the final darkness; crossed it toward some deeply expected (and deserved) light… I will believe she found it until my last instant in this world; and maybe then, I will really know.
I do belive the part about “flights of angels” too – yep! …, singing Ariel to her rest!- Why not?
So long, my friend… You did harm to her in her most need -even if she didn’t tell you, because she loved you with goodness and grace, perhaps beyond our understanding-, and now you have done harm to me and let me down in my own, lesser need. – I still wish you good health and luck in this life, but I feel that we won’t meet beyond the curtain when the time arrive. I don’t feel you’ll meet Ariel either, but this is, of course, more uncertain, since she was really pure.