I have been telling, several times, I would post a few of my own drawings some day. Friends of mine have encouraged me to do it, and so I will from now on.
I begin with an old drawing (or a part of it, because I have learnt that I can’t openly show my body as I did now and then elsewhere –and sometimes even here). It is a much stylized and enhanced self-portrait en femme: with full makeup, including false eyelashes and dressing just a thong and a choker. I did not give it a title, but I name it now just this said way: “Idealized self-portrait with full makeup and a choker”. I drew it in 1998 with Conté graphite pencils on paper –a sheet of 25.2 x 21.9 cm– and later on I scanned it at high definition. I added the earrings even later, extended the choker to a full short-sleeved turtle neck top, covered the thong with a pleated skirt and coloured it all with a fantastic new set of Faber crayons I had just bought. (With them, I made some cartoon-like portraits of other close persons as well.)
To a point I had tried to be more or less true to my real looks, as it was after much hairdress and makeup, but I entirely faked these full, high breasts you will see (I also drew a narrower waist than my actual one, and a smaller bulge in the panties, but this I will not show here)… I had very small breasts at that age (and my waist – all my body – was not so slim and girly) – For anybody interested, for any reason, I was measured then as being at Tanner-3 stage for breasts and also at Tanner-3 for masculine genitals; which means budding tits, a mid/small penis and a small scrotum. So, call it wishful thinking and narcissistic drawing –which it is–, but I loved to figure myself out as pretty as possible; with the imagination and with the pencils, since I couldn’t do it in actual life beyond those sparse experiments. Even now it is hard to do without stress and conflict.
🙂 I feel like using this youthful “selfie” as a new avatar, at least for a while —but without the original choker not to look again so silly, sissified and sluttish —I’ve got tired of it, even if I am-.
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