I have been telling, several times, I would post a few of my own drawings some day. Friends of mine have encouraged me to do it, and so I will from now on.
I begin with an old drawing (or a part of it, because I have learnt that I can’t openly show my body as I did now and then elsewhere –and sometimes even here). It is a much stylized and enhanced self-portrait en femme: with full makeup, including false eyelashes and dressing just a thong and a choker. I did not give it a title, but I name it now just this said way: “Idealized self-portrait with full makeup and a choker”. I drew it in 1998 with Conté graphite pencils on paper –a sheet of 25.2 x 21.9 cm– and later on I scanned it at high definition. I added the earrings even later, extended the choker to a full short-sleeved turtle neck top, covered the thong with a pleated skirt and coloured it all with a fantastic new set of Faber crayons I had just bought. (With them, I made some cartoon-like portraits of other close persons as well.)
To a point I had tried to be more or less true to my real looks, as it was after much hairdress and makeup, but I entirely faked these full, high breasts you will see (I also drew a narrower waist than my actual one, and a smaller bulge in the panties, but this I will not show here)… I had very small breasts at that age (and my waist – all my body – was not so slim and girly) – For anybody interested, for any reason, I was measured then as being at Tanner-3 stage for breasts and also at Tanner-3 for masculine genitals; which means budding tits, a mid/small penis and a small scrotum. So, call it wishful thinking and narcissistic drawing –which it is–, but I loved to figure myself out as pretty as possible; with the imagination and with the pencils, since I couldn’t do it in actual life beyond those sparse experiments. Even now it is hard to do without stress and conflict.
🙂 I feel like using this youthful “selfie” as a new avatar, at least for a while —but without the original choker not to look again so silly, sissified and sluttish —I’ve got tired of it, even if I am-.
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No unauthorised copying or redistribution. All Rights Reserved.
Holy smokes! Can you draw or can you draw?! This talent is phenomenal, and it fries my kitty brain that there are three images, with three different vibes, all based on the same sketch.
Molts petons! 👯💋💋💋💋💋💋💋
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Awww !!!! ha ha ha :))) I DO love your sisterly support once and again (especially when I most need it!) Love your good heart, dear ✨ ✨ ✨ You almost have made me cry.
(Will send to you the full drawing, so you may see how silly and narcissistic I was at that age, when nothing went right in my silly life; and also you will understand better my whole misery living as I did and accepting to be a “gay boy” at best, and a “normal straight boy” at worst and most often.)
A thousand kisses and everything else I’m happily sharing with you ❤ ✨ 🦄 ❤
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Dear Sis,
You always have been, and always will be, perfect to me. Don’t degrade yourself, Beloved. You deserve better than that, ESPECIALLY from yourself!
💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
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Ha ha, yes, sometimes 🙂 But we all have moments of depression and inner conflict, and yesterday I felt like venting a “wee” bit 😉 💝 💖 💜 ❤ !!!! KISSES ! 💋 💋 💋 💋 💋
— 🦄
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I understand the need to vent. As always, Dear Sister, you know you can email or contact me and let FLY with all the stress, frustration and attitude you’ve got. I’m not going to call you out on needing release. I don’t think any of us are. You are so loved, even on the days you don’t feel it.
Kissies! 💗💖💞❤🧡💛💙💚💋💋💋💋💋💋
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Beautifully done!
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🙂 Thanks. I’m glad you like it, but at that time it was more a vindication that a true artistic quest. I mostly drew, painted and pictured everything that I and my peers were told as dirty and forbidden… It still is for most. Out there, what is well accepted online, is just hated in real life. You surely know it… Either you entirely pass, or you are in perpetual danger, especially when you dress and act daringly (or just openly). Very dangerous!!!!
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A vindication of personal identity is arguably the most important artistic quest. You had something to say. You said it. To my eyes, that’s beautiful.
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Thanks again ! but I’m still scared to show some pics and paints with my name. I was dennied a job I was perfectly qualifed to hold because I have “naughty” and, worse, a “weird”; trace online relative to my identity. “Trannies, sissies and stuff are Not Wanted Here” … True words heard by this “sissy” a month ago, translated as well as I can.
❤ ✨ 🦄
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That kind of hatred is ignorant and narrow-minded, but it is an unfortunate reality that we deal with. I’m so sorry. *hugs*
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(( Hugs back 🙂 )) despite my awful situation, I’m still confident than someday I will be treated according to my mind and merit first and not by my transgenderism and (to some ignorant foes) transsexuality — I’m not a transsexual, even if sometimes I’ve thought seriously about it… It scares the hell out of me, but society, and some partners, may press a lot. I’m more and more secluded nowadays not to confront this hurting crap
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Keep the faith, sis. You know your situation better than anyone else could. Do what you feel you can and have to do. Express yourself how you must, and stay as safe as possible.
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Often I cannot do what I feel and have to do ! No way if I want to be safe. This is not a play anymore. it’s very risky. It is risky even with close persons. That’s why I’m living increasingly alone and isolated. Those that hit on me are often the most dangerous
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I understand. This is the kind of thing many of us deal with on some level. Believe me, I do. The balance starts within. Find that first. It’ll help you to see where you can create it otherwise. If you feel you’re in danger, you need to explore your options and find safety first, in whatever manner that may be. Just understand… you are not alone.
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I belive I’m balanced enough… Others are not. I try to be soft and reasonable, while others just tell me, not as softly, I’m absolutely wrong and lost. Some nights, like tonight, I feel I am.
Thanks a lot, anyway, for the nice words and all this supporting chat :)) ❤ ✨ 🦄
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I’m not saying you’re not balanced. But you have to be balanced in your environment too. As above, so below; as within, so without. When you feel lost, remind yourself of your balance. Hold on to that.
It’s not much, I know, but I do hope it helps. 🙂
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“As above, so below; as within, so without”
I wish this was true… It is not. It’s a big lie as most things we read and learn from this world. Almost everything we learn here is a lie. Even my Dad alerted me about this before dying (he said even he, himself had lied a lot to us :// So … )
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Sweetie, that is earth’s oldest, most solid wisdom. It may not always seem so, but it is absolutely true on every conceivable level. Nothing we learn is a lie. It’s all in how we understand and apply what we learn. People can be shallow and selfish, but they are learning too, whether they want to believe it or not.
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My advice from personal experience, if it means anything to you… don’t struggle to figure out that riddle. It’s hard for us t-girls, I know. It defies logic. Instead of fighting it, meditate on it and let it in. It’ll unlock itself to you in new ways over time in ways that will stun you and change your life forever. My two cents for whatever they’re worth. I have to jump off here for now, but you know where to find me anytime you want to talk. *hugs*
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Amazing work, you truly are a gifted artist. Thank you for sharing.
Hang in there, it is a huge problem with the world today that people see what is on the outside and don’t see a person for who they are inside.
You are an amazing and talented person, keep on being you. *big hugs*
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You are most welcome, dear 💐 !! You know I appreciate a lot your comments (and big compliments :)) THANK YOU 💝 💖 💜
(((BIG LONG HUG))) + ((💋 💋 💋))
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Wow, that is amazing! I’m so jealous of your talent!!!
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Wow. Thanks for the compliment, even if much exaggerated 🙂 ✨ !!
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